I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize