and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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