I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
