I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
