doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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