Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Randomize
