Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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