i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
