If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
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how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
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