He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
