It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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