that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Randomize
