we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
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