I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
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She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
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It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.