in pain and im wearing pink underwear
i dont own pink underwear
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Keanu Reeves Photobombed A Couple’s Wedding Photos As A Perfect Gift
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
29 Married People Share What They Used To Find Cute About Their SO—But Now Find Infuriating
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis