well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS