were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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