ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
