I'm drive I can fine osifer
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
