Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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