Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize
