You can't motorboat a personality
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
