it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
There are leaves in my underwear?
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