It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
