If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
