beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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