they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
