At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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