I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
