10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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