Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
