Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
a search helicopter?!
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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