Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
