There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
