Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
