Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
