Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Randomize
