Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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