Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
