I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize