So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
