maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
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