Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
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