How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
