I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I have feelings that need drinking.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
