You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
