Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
