Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
