My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize
