I puked a lego.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
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