Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
