i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
