I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
