thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I accidentally burped into my bong.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Randomize
