Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Randomize
