you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
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