I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
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