I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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